689: Breaking News, Slowpoke Pace

Explanation
The premise of this strip is basically an exaggeration of the original's key joke. The original strip had the Slowpoke anchor report Elvis's death from 1977 decades late; this exaggeration shows they're more than a century and a half late in reporting Abraham Lincoln's 1865 assassination.

The "original strip" link is an archive; the true original strip had been broken for years by the time this remix was created.

The author writes
Geez...I always knew Slowpoke was slow, but this is ridiculous!

Original Super Effective strip: #27 (original date likely lost to time).

Abraham Lincoln portrait by Alexander Gardner.

Transcript
Slowpoke: BREAKING NEWS! Slowpoke: We regret to inform you of what is indeed a great tragedy today. A president, a role model, a LEGEND...has passed on." Slowpoke: I'll always miss you...Abraham Lincoln. {Image of Abraham Lincoln captioned with "RIP"}